Today, I welcome erotic romance author Rebecca Joyce who also writes for Siren Publishing. She has a great story for us about a romp in the wild...
As an author, I am forever researching new and exciting ways for my characters to enjoy the trials and tribulations of sex. As a wife, I am the firm believer in motto, “Don’t knock it, till you try it”… This is a true story right out of the Erotic World of Rebecca Joyce!!!
Before I begin, I feel I should inform you that I am not an outdoorsey person. Never have been, never will be. The thought of spending time out in the sunshine, makes my skin crawl, and not to mention all those creepy crawlers and critters that live out there. My idea of fresh air and exercise is walking the ten feet to the mail box, and typically I have my kids do that. So with that said, here is my true confession.
A couple of years back, my husband finally talked me into a vacation. Let me be clear, a vacation for me is white sandy beaches, a lounge chair and a Mai Tai with an umbrella! Not the freaking Great Outdoors! (He promised me there was a hot tub! HA!)
So there I was on vacation in the Great Smokey Mountains. According to my hubby (whom I am inclined to believe is blood kin to Daniel Boone!), there is nothing better than fresh air and walking for miles through rough terrain (Yeah, that’s debatable!) All I wanted was the freakin’ hot tub!
After what seemed like the longest excursion into the dark depths of the wilderness, I begged my hubby, for just five friggin minutes in the hot tub before we went to dinner. I mean seriously, I am not the most athletic person on the planet, ah hell, who am I kidding, the thought of exercise gives me the willies! Anyway, after a painstakingly long ass walk (yeah I know I’ve already said that) I stripped down to nothing and soaked my aching muscles in the hot bubbly waters of the best damn invention on the planet! Can I just say…OMG, that water was hot and it felt so damn good!
Did I mention I was nekkid? Well I was…So picture this, the sun is shining brightly, birds are chirping and I am soaking away my pains trying to forget about mother nature and my Trail Ranger Husband. When all of a sudden, I feel something moving up my leg. Now understand, I am reclining, my eyes are closed, and somewhere in the back of my head, I think just maybe it’s my hubby, come to enjoy a soak.
Yeah…I was WAY WRONG!
So there I am, in hot tub heaven and I am beginning to get aroused cause I think my hubby has decided I need more than one muscle exercised. I am moaning and humming, saying, “Oh damn, baby that feels good” and “higher honey, move higher.”
That’s when my hubby decides to say, “You say something Becky?”
I open my eyes and see him standing at the back door. Quickly looking down into the water, my eyes bug out of my head, and I let loose the loudest ear piercing scream on the friggin planet. Birds have taken flight, windows are rattling and I swear, I heard a wolf howl in response!
Jumping from the hot tub like a scaled cat, I literally leap ten feet from that devils invention I was worshiping seconds ago, screaming and pointing.
Now, this is where I considered divorce was too good for my future Ex-Husband!
My Hubby, who apparently is laughing his ass off, calmly walks over to the hot tub and pulls out one of those so called harmless garden snakes (Harmless my ass…It had fangs like a fucking saber tooth tiger!), like he has been snake wrangling for years. Where the damn thing came from I don’t know, nor do I care, all I can do is scream, “Kill It!”
So there I am, in broad daylight, screaming, “Kill It!” butt ass nekkid as my hubby stands there playing with the damn thing, laughing his ass off.
Now I am not one to harbor ill will, but fuck it…paybacks are a bitch! I leap at the man I married some umpteen years ago and together we fall into the warm waters of the hot tub. I am yelling and screaming at him, while he is busy laughing and stripping out of what clothing he has on. Let’s just say, after 15 yrs in the military, the man is good at getting out of his cloths fast. Needless to say, in seconds, he and I are no longer playin’ Grab the Snake, and those earlier cries of “Oh damn, baby that feels good” and “Higher honey, move Higher!” well they came true…along with, “Oh fuck me harder!” and “YES, YES, YES!”
PS: We never did make it to dinner that night and I have no Idea where the snake ran off to!