Sunday, 23 March 2014

If I'd Known Then...

Way back in my youth, I was a bit of a wallflower. I was plenty interested in the opposite sex, but never really managed to connect with anyone until grade 10. I was a band geek who also enjoyed singing and acting (which is funny considering how much trouble I had interacting with people). I was lucky to land a good role in our school musical that year. And playing opposite me was a tall, good-looking guy who was three years older than me. As rehearsals progressed, we got to know each other, and my interest was captured. I never dreamed that he was interested, too, until about six months into the year when he asked me to a movie.

That night will always live in my memory. I don't even remember what movie we saw, but I remember holding his hand throughout. I remember the way my heart pounded every time he got close, but most of all I remember the kiss at the end of the night. Perfect. Taylor Swift's song Fifteen always makes me nostalgic, because I was fifteen.


We were pretty much inseparable for the next month or so, our make-out sessions getting heavier, until one night he slipped his hand under my shirt, and I let him. But for some reason, he felt things were moving too fast (that's right folks - the 18 year old boy put the brakes on when it started to get serious). He was a decent guy, but our relationship ended then, and we stayed friends.

Spin the bottle anyone?
Image from

Though there were a few incidents of spin-the-bottle over the next couple years, I didn't have another boyfriend until just before my 18th birthday. By this point, many of my friends had started having sex, one had even had a baby, and I still had no clue. So on my 18th birthday, I decided that I was sick of being a virgin and told my boyfriend that we could go all the way. In a Chevette. Not the smartest decision ever. It hurt like hell, lasted all of thirty seconds, and is not one of my fondest memories.

Lucky for us, the next time was in a bed and worked much better. It was great for a while, but we broke up when I went away for college, though we maintained a friends with benefits arrangement for a long time, even while we were involved with other people. The emotional fall-out from that relationship was pretty devastating and I didn't really get over it until I met my husband.

And once I knew that hubby was "the one" I wished that I had saved myself for him. I was sure my first time would have been a lot more enjoyable.

This is what inspired my new series from Evernight called Losing It. What if there'd been a way to be with an experienced lover for my first time? One who knew better than to try having sex in a tiny car. One who understood something about foreplay. Would it have been different? I like to think so. The premise behind the series is an online hook-up site which matches experienced lovers with virgins, for a no-strings-attached, amazing first time. They're short, fun stories, and of course, they have a happily ever after.

So if you could go back and talk to your younger self, what advice would you have to give about losing your virginity?

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